You talk of holes in walls, that was ten years ago! You will never let it go, and so to you I will always be that monster.
I get upset about something, anything, and you get defensive or disappear, the result of both being I am alone.
Is it any wonder I suppress any feelings I have?
And I do resent you blaming every weekend on me, saying that I use you as an emotional punching bag, saying I take out my feelings on you. I barely have any feelings anymore! You are the one who takes out your hard days on me, like clockwork if you are stressed I will get it in the neck. No matter what I do, I walk on eggshells and it makes no difference.
The reason I said "please don't" is cos I knew exactly what was coming, and I really didn't want that, but surprise surprise here it is.
All I can take away from this is don't get upset. Don't feel anything. And honestly I don't want to feel any more. Cos no matter what I feel your unrelenting guilt will turn it into your fault and therefore aimed at you.
If I feel, I am the volatile monster from ten years ago or some emotionally abusive asshole who gaslights and uses you as an emotional punching bag.
I don't want to feel anymore. Honestly I don't want to breathe anymore. I feel like I should leave cos with me gone all your problems would disappear.
I just don't want to feel anymore
